“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson
Some of us experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. We wonder why our difficulties don’t happen to the “bad” people out there instead of us. It’s the “why me?” phenomenon. Unfortunately, life is not fair.
Bad things will happen. Horrible circumstances or tragedies will affect most of our lives at some point. You may lose a best friend, your job, get sick, or watch someone you love get very sick. It’s also a certainty that in life we all have to deal with the fact that one day our parents won’t be here anymore.
It’s okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself and your circumstances, mope around, or get angry. But at some point you must shake it off, let go of the past, and choose to not let it consume you entirely. Otherwise, you won’t be able to learn from the experience and move forward in a constructive way.
Self-Pity is a Choice. Know that. When we fall into the depression of self-pity, we allow it to take control of our lives. We become completely self-absorbed. It is destructive to dwell on negative events and carry that bitterness and resentment forward. When we keep our focus on the hurt, we aren’t focused on taking control of our lives.
If you continue to blame negative circumstances for your place in life, you are giving up responsibility and control to those exact circumstances. But we have two choices – we can choose to spread our misery, or we can choose to rise above it.
Adopting a victim mentality and surrendering to life’s circumstances will not improve those circumstances.
It is up to us to choose how we will respond to them.
Whether we let them overpower us and bind us to them for perhaps many years, or whether we choose to seek to understand why the event occurred, learn from it and use it to empower us to be wiser, more experienced and learn new skills, is entirely up to us.
Our life’s journey is one of experiencing, learning, adapting to what we have experienced and continually creating a better experience for ourselves and others. Hurt, hard lessons and tough times are all a part of our story, our life’s journey.
Mr Sayed Mia’s definition of “being a victim” means you choose only to see the negative of an undesirable event and you surrender to the circumstance as a helpless, powerless victim. But as the timeless saying old goes, when life hands you a big lemon we could choose to find some sugar and make lemonade from it. There is always some good to be found in everything, if only we give ourselves permission to earnestly look for it.
So go ahead and have a really good cry, it’s okay. Letting those feelings out can help and be cathartic and healing. Feel the pain and the hurt. Live your reality. It’s okay to do so and even healthy to do. But then let it go!
Don’t let it consume your life. You are not alone or unloved. Remember there are other people in your life who need you. You can’t help anyone else if you don’t help yourself first. Always remember this – You cannot change the past, but you CAN change your future.